Mating Season
by RenjiLuvah
Summary: Mating with a Yato female was the equivalent of being a lion, and approaching a lioness in heat - except after rolling around in some fresh, delicious zebra so that she's unsure whether to please you or tear you limb from limb. [OkiKagu Oneshot] Rated M for language and sexual themes, no lemon.


**Mating Season**

Mating with a _Yato_ female was the equivalent of being a lion, and approaching a lioness in heat - except after rolling around in some fresh, delicious zebra so that she's unsure whether to please you or tear you limb from limb.

Most sane males steer clear from _Yato_ women, unless they either had a death wish or an "M" fetish. The _Shinsengumi_ officer had already visited an eye doctor, had his meals tested for foul play, and spent a night or two in a shady love hotel with a willing "M" female.

Okita Sougo was neither blind, drugged, and he most definitely was _still_ the King of Sadists.

Perhaps it was some adventurous streak he'd developed lately. Like those idiots that jump out of planes or willingly hike along trails surrounded by predators waiting to eat them just for thrills. And while he might relate to the feeling of wind against one's face, the earth rushing up, after all, he'd sent many of his enemies on this adventure and not one has ever complained (well of course, it was because they were all dead, but that was besides the point) -

Okita Sougo was not fond of the idea of sticking himself into something that might possibly rip it off. _That_ was the kind of thrill he could do without.

So what, in the seven circles of limbo, did he see in this potty mouthed glutton whose idea of a hand job probably entailed the breaking of one's fingers with the same ease as crumpling a piece of paper?

"Oi, idiot, what're you doing sleeping on duty?"

The man felt the unmistakable weight of a body settle on his stomach and removed his sleeping mask to look up to the very parasite infecting his life as of late. Here she was, shamelessly straddling him in the grass, in broad daylight, with all the grace of a toddler in spite of the shapely legs on either side of his body. He spared a moment to look down before mumbling in the usual dead pan.

"Ducks and polka dots. How disappointing."

"Wha-"

"I'm on lunch, China. Don't pester me unless you want a new hole in your face to stuff food into," he drilled a finger into her forehead for emphasis before she swatted it away.

"Lunch my ass, do you ever actually work?"

"I do. About to give someone a summons for assaulting an officer the other day and-" Sougo looked down again, this time hoping she'd be more aware to the sexual innuendo their position in the grass gave off, "And a warning about public indecency."

It took a moment to dawn on her, and he enjoyed watching her expression distort from her wide eyed oblivion to utter shock and embarrassment. She jolted up in seconds, red faced and the point of her umbrella lunging down toward him.

"I'll kill you!", she screeched, as she attempted to quite literally murder him amongst other things she seemed okay with in broad daylight, and he smoothly evaded before she could skewer his throat.

The swipe of his arm sent her crashing down to meet him on the grass again, thus ensued their usual scuffle. Their scuffles, however, more recently became less weaponry and less property damage, and more CQC.

"You should really wear shorts, not that there's anything under there anyway," Sougo taunted, her hands pinned beneath his larger ones.

Blushing furiously, Kagura growled, "Pachi hasn't done laundry yet. And what the hell do you mean 'nothing under there' jerk!"

"I mean, you're still an alien and I'm betting there's tentacles or a row of shark teeth in there-"

The tides turned, the officer found himself slammed on his back again, but the next attack didn't follow. Instead, the _Yato_ rose to wipe her _Cheongsam_ before snubbing her foot into his rib.

"_Hentai_," she all, but hissed with venom. Maybe a little hurt in her eyes, he thought, when she ran off in the other direction.

Okita Sougo rose to shrug the grass from his uniform, "Says the girl who sits on me like-"

It was a dangerous thought to finish, and so he didn't. Already he was remembering the other day, the so-called assault. He hadn't known how, he didn't know why, but somehow their hand to hand combat led them to an awkward position, and _things _- followed.

Shaking the memory from his head, the officer waltzed back to his post with the intention of passing the head doc's office. He was hopeful they still performed electro-shock therapy to burn some specific recollections from his mind.

The next time he saw China, it was his day to patrol in the car. Driving past the park, he spotted a group of familiar young men, that some years ago, were a group of dorky, and oddly shaped boys that used to play with China all the time.

"Okita-san?", Yamazaki asked warily, unaware of his Captain acting like some lecher.

Before his eyes could follow his Captain's line of vision to the redhead buried amongst the group of young hormonal men, Okita Sougo calmly stepped out of the car. Yamazaki knew better than to ask, and drove off with the intention of picking him up again after a lap around their scheduled route.

The Sadist began his casual stroll up to the group, recalling how these men had been her playmates for years, at times welcoming her monstrous strength with open arms into their baseball games, other times, trying to ditch the girl with the overwhelming advantage over all of them. He only knew them by face and in spite of the on and off friendship between them and China, with the recent years thinning some areas of the _Yato's_ body and swelling it in other spots, these fickle friends of hers now had new motivation to keep the girl in their group.

He didn't know if she was truly stupid or just desperate for friends, and at that point, the officer had no idea what was driving him on this needless mission, but the moment the car had passed the park, he'd caught a whiff of their stench one final time.

"Woops! Sorry, Kagura-chan." This particular one apologized, an accidental nudge against her hip as he ran by to second base. The officer kept his distance, a silent observer.

"Shit. I am a lecher," he scolded himself and just as he was about to walk away and convince himself that the only reason he stopped was because of boredom, he spotted that particular guy again, making another round after another hit. A convenient brush against her ribs and dangerously close to-

"Oi. China."

Sougo called, a white knuckled hand on the hilt of his sword.

She turned to him and cringed, "Oh it's you. Can't you see we're trying to play a game here."

He didn't answer. His inner voice, most likely a more reasonable one screamed at him.

_Hentai! Stalker! Lecher!_

_Damn it, I'm definitely having some weird phase._

"Electro-shock therapy," he reminded himself for later as he stalked towards his unsuspecting rival.

Noticing the distance closing between them, she yelled, "Oi, Sadist, what the hell do you-"

He'd gone and tripped over what appeared to be an imaginary pebble, his flailing hand searching for steady ground when it landed on her breast.

"Oops. My bad. Glad there was a wall to- oh."

"..."

Punched him square in the nose. The officer was effortlessly tossed several feet away, right into a telephone pole in which he slammed into hard enough to make it wobble. When the dust had cleared and the Sadist rose from being knocked away, Kagura was still standing in the same spot, nothing but murder radiating from her. Her "friends" were wide eyed, shaking like leaves when the officer dared to approach her again, this time to clamp her collar in his fist.

"That felt weak, China, you can do better."

Her large blue eyes lifted to search his, no doubt wondering why the hell he even gave a fuck, and angry because she hadn't realized what was happening until he of all people had to put her on the spot. Maybe she'd been spending too much time with the _Yorozuya_, taking after _Danna_, and for some odd reason in spite of having her period like other normal women on earth, it hadn't occurred to her that her "friends" had been looking at her in such a light. It was shameful, that of all the people to point it out to her, it had to be-

Kagura smacked Sougo's hand from her before turning to the group of men watching the scene unfold. She bent to pick up some rocks at her feet before aiming at the idiot who accidentally nudged her hip.

"Say sorry, asshole."

"K-Kagura-chan, I swear, it was an accident-"

"Say sorry and give me back my innocence!"

The rock cut through the air like a bullet, and when it landed, it smoked at the man's feet. The Sadist smiled. He'd definitely pissed himself.

And the group ran off, once again threatened by the girl who could kick all their asses and realizing that their hormone driven motivation had come to an almost dangerous end. She watched them disappear into the distance before she turned back to face her rival.

"And _you_," she hissed, "What the fuck do you think you're grabbing, perv?"

Okita Sougo's leer was aimed to provoke.

"Nothing apparently. What a shame."

And then she charged at him, the thrusting knee captured in his palm before it could obliterate his balls. "That's more like it."

"I'll kill you and all future generations of you, dumb ass."

"You can try."

Another fight, his face already bloodied and adrenaline pushing him to defend every aim she threw at his precious loins. Five minutes in and a toppled telephone pole later, the Sadist wiped his gushing nose with his sleeve, his grin red due to the blood he was swallowing.

"If you really want my balls, China, you're going about it the wrong way."

Her face growing increasingly red, she squeaked, "I- I don't want them asshole, I want to destroy them!"

The _Shinsengumi_ officer managed to swoop in from her flank, and he could've uppercut her in the face, even jabbed his sword into her toes - instead, he flicked her forehead.

"Wh-what-"

"That's enough for today. I think you broke my face anyway, which I deserved for the wall groping. I'd break yours too, but you're already ugly."

Kagura held her forehead, offended and hurt in a way she still didn't understand. As she watched him turn to leave, she mumbled under her breath.

"I know it's my fault. I started it."

"Hmm?"

"The other day. What I did."

"Oh, so you _do_ remember assaulting me? I'd plead guilty if I were you when I press charges-"

"SHUT UP, I'm being serious, stupid..."

"..."

"I- I only kissed you because I was curious, okay. Your damn face was way too close."

And then life made sense. It must've been the trauma, not drugged meals or a strange phase - in fact, it must've been-

"You fed me some strange mojo with your lips, I see now."

"What?"

"Nothing."

Either way, he was doomed for life. Tossing, turning, and questioning his sanity all because his body was suddenly under this silly impression that it wanted hers. Hah! Of all the-

"Thanks, I guess."

The officer spun around slowly, blinking stupidly and almost positive he'd need an ear doctor too.

In an attempt to redeem herself, Kagura fumbled with her fingers, her cheeks two red beets before she sputtered, "I-I mean, I hadn't realize- you were just trying to- DAMN IT you touch me again, I'll break your fingers! And anyone else that touches me like that - I'll break theirs too, so don't think you're an exception!"

Okita just answered with a nod, wondering what sort of story he was going to have to give to Yamazaki when he saw the damage to his face as he walked away. He could hear her hurried footsteps running in the opposite direction, and for a second, he thought briefly, "Good, no one should touch you unless you want them to."

And when he felt the strange urge, almost territorial instinct, that that person should be him in the end, Okita Sougo picked up his cellphone and dialed Yamazaki.

It rung once and he didn't even let his subordinate get a word in before he sighed.

"Yamazaki. Come and get me quick. I think I need a shrink or castration..."

* * *

It was barely a week when he crossed paths with her again. Sougo had found a new spot to slack off of work and was enjoying the canopy of shade beneath a tree when he felt that presence settle beside him.

_Well, least she had enough sense not to mount me - what am I? A damn horse?_

The relief was short lived when he felt her hot breath tickle the side of his face. The contrast from the cool breeze sent an involuntary shudder through him in which he contained like a pro.

"Oi. You dead or something?"

"You wish," he grinned, not bothering to remove his mask or get up.

When a minute or two passed, and her huffing was sounding closer to a damn dragon over his face, the Sadist reluctantly slipped off his mask to look up at the young woman next to him. She appeared to have quickly sat up the instant he moved.

Her hair was down today, draped over her shoulder as she looked off into the distance, seemingly with nothing else to say and sitting next to him without trying to break him for once.

Disturbed by this, he asked carefully, "What's wrong, not enough grass in Edo to sit in so you ended up here?"

Kagura jolted and appeared ready to twist around and slap him when she stopped herself.

"Err- China-"

"FINE!", she suddenly yelled for no apparent reason.

She got up abruptly, the wind swaying her Cheongsam before she stomped away, leaving the Sadist utterly confused.

_Did she just- want to be with me? No - that's crazy. It's all part of her assassination plot-_

And then he noticed the small store-bought bento mysteriously placed next to him. He snickered at the idea that she probably couldn't cook and therefore resorted to buying a bento, and a cheap one at that. The yellow sale sticker was a good indicator that it had been sitting on the counter too long and there was a high chance he might get food poisoning depending on where she bought it - it occurred to him that he should throw it out lest he risk a night sitting on the golden throne when that trail of thought was cut off abruptly.

By guilt?

_That_ sent another shudder through him, and Okita Sougo settled for going back to sleep, and leaving the lunch where it was. Perhaps if he was groggy enough when he woke up, he might forget where it came from and eat it.

* * *

"Hi, handsome, why not come in and have some fun?"

Blonde. Large breasts, but way too much makeup. The woman called to him coyly, trying to lure him into the one of the many indecent establishments in the _Yoshiwara_ district. Okita Sougo was off duty, and after a night of paying dearly for that bento, and a few additional nights of inner turmoil involving a particular red-headed _Yato_, the officer was eager to try and overcome his strife.

Somehow, he'd ended up here, not wanting to admit that he may of needed some physical relief, aside from all the mental help he really needed at this point.

_I don't feel anything for her. Unless you call what you feel for your pet pirahna, feelings._

"Yoo hoo, are you a first timer? I can teach you lots of things."

Another one - this one brunette, modestly endowed, but had a nasal quality to her voice that irritated him enough to want to stab his ears rather than sleep with her. The man kept walking, trying to resist thinking of China until he found the right one for the night.

The streets were too damn bright for the middle of the night thanks to all the lanterns and blinking LEDs outside the hotels and shops. Walking was a pain with all the drunk bastards stumbling through and the women cat calling outside. He was kind of regretting the trek when he turned around a corner to a less populated and shadier looking area - as if anything could be more shady than _Yoshiwara_ itself.

This establishment didn't appear to be busy at all save for a few loyal stragglers. There were a few women loitering outside like they couldn't care less if you came or not - literally. The short one caught his eye, wide hips that she cocked to one side, chewing a wad of blue bubble gum crudely with her dark hair thrown haphazardly on top of her head. She was pretty, but by the looks of it, had a terrible attitude.

"Oi," he said, "Ain't you gals supposed to be drawing customers in or something?"

The one with the bubble gum shrugged, "What do I look like to you, idiot, a billboard? You know what this is. You either get in or keep walkin'."

Okita Sougo stopped in front of her, a sadistic grin now twisting his features as he prepared to make this woman his "M" for the night.

"You. You sound just about right."

* * *

He'd barely gotten her into the room and already, she'd been tamed. The woman, "Chicky" they liked to call her, landed on the mattress with a bounce and a squeak.

Sougo closed the door behind them before allowing his condescending gaze to grace her once more.

In anticipation, Chicky squirmed backwards, causing her to bounce some more.

"What the hell does this look like to you, a fun house?"

"Nyah, I'm sorry, Hijikata-san, make me more sorry!"

He smirked, it was gonna be hella fun when his lovely Vice Captain got the bill for this.

"Shame on you, Hijikata-san," he'd say innocently, "An officer of the law doing such indecent things while off-duty, why, you should just get demoted already!"

"Take them off," Sougo demanded, tending to his button down as the chicken- err, Chicky, hurried into stripping.

"I like when you tell me what to do, Hijikata-san-"

"Just don't say my name anymore."

"Whatever you want, cutie!"

He approached the mattress, nonchalant, his shirt halfway open when he noticed the shabby looking dresser and thought about flicking off the lamp that was missing a shade.

China flickered through him again and he had to shake it away.

Lights on. Definitely, lights on. The darkness would make it too easy to be distracted.

A knee settled onto the noisy bed, right between the eager woman's legs. She spread them wider, her violet kimono still covering most of her, but untied and inviting.

"Come here," she whispered wantonly, her blue fingernails raking up his leg as he moved in to hungrily claim her mouth and taste blue-raspberry. He could feel her arch towards him, her core unsuccessfully trying to tempt him into settling on top of her, but he purposely took his time.

Impatient, she lifted a leg to wrap around his waist, lifting her kimono enough to give him a glimpse of her underwear. He was about to get the handcuffs when he laid eyes on her panties and all the blood drained from his face...

* * *

"W-wait, Hijikata-san, did I do something wrong?"

She chased him down the stairs as he stomped away, buttoning his shirt with one hand and extremely pissed - more irritated than he'd ever remembered being in a while.

Approaching the counter, the owners looked to him curiously, and he shrugged, "You can charge my tab double."

Might as well damn his Vice Captain into some debt, _someone_ needed to pay for his sour mood.

He was just at the door when Chicky got a hold of his sleeve, "Hey, bastard, you can't just rile me up like that and go, what do you think-"

His piercing red gaze froze her in her tracks, the woman snatching her hand from his sleeve as if scalded. Sougo allowed his furious glare to seep into her until she cowered back, and he turned to leave again.

"You'll come back, right, cutie?", she squeaked, obviously smitten by their short time playing S and M.

The _Shinsengumi_ officer slide the door closed behind him. Then reluctantly buried his face in his hands and growled.

"Fuckin' ducks and polka dots. What the hell- was there a sale at Vicky's Secret?"

Whatever the odds were that some random woman would happen to be donning the same pair of childish underwear as that monster girl - all the odds were against him.

At this rate - he'd never get laid again.

Sougo was surrendering himself to spending an awfully unfulfilling night with one of his hands when a shrill screech cut through the white noise of the crowd.

"YOU!"

At first, he hadn't realized it was meant for him.

"I said, YOU, what the hell are you doing here, Sadist?"

When he removed his hands from his face, he almost wanted to put them back. As if summoned, there she was, disgust curling her lips as she sized him down.

"What- have you gone deaf? I said-"

Kagura's interrogation was interrupted when she felt Sougo's hands clamp down on both of her shoulders.

"China, the real question is, what are _you_ doing here?"

His fingers on her were firm, and everything in him scolded that he should walk away, lest he give himself away. This was not how pet owners act towards their piranhas! But it was as if something was possessing him, and somewhere in the back recesses of his mind, he checked off 'exorcist' on his list of people to see.

"Wh-what? I'm a grown woman. I don't need no guard alien!"

"I think you mean guardian."

"No, guard alien and I don't need one! I'm here to see Tsukky! I come here all the time, sometimes with Gin-chan and Pachi-"

His eye twitched.

"DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT! W-what are you doing here in front of this- this chicken coop! You're not here to-"

She gasped incredulously, and when his grip on her loosened, Kagura caught a glimpse of this Chicky woman peeking at them through the front-entrance, the damn airhead's line of vision aimed right at him.

He was going to make sure they charge Hijikata three times as much for that flub.

Daft or not, Kagura must've put two and two together.

He waited for the inevitable uppercut to his jaw and when it didn't arrive, Okita Sougo finally met China's eyes and squinted.

"You-," she stammered, "Were you- I mean, did you- do-"

The man felt adrenaline wash through him, increasing his heart rate, causing sweat to drop down his spine- wait- was this-

Fear? Shame?

He suddenly felt like he'd been caught redhanded, but not like when Hijikata-san discovered that he'd poisoned his tea or found thumbtacks in his shoes, this was different. It felt like- like he'd been caught cheat-

He refused to finish that thought!

"I'm going home," he deadpanned, removing his hands and walking into the crowd. He'd was almost relieved that he managed to escape unscathed when a there was a sharp thump on his left calf and the pain shot up all the way to his skull.

"What the hell're you kicking me for, China-"

But she was gone as soon as he turned around. Bending to nurse his now swelling calve, Sougo cursed at himself.

"Shit."

_I didn't do anything wrong._

The officer would keep repeating this mantra to himself as he limped back to headquarters, too exhausted and bothered to even spend the night with his hand and went straight to bed.

It was official - something was terribly wrong with him and it had something to do with China.

* * *

This time, he sought her out. No more games, he decided. If he was going to be a bonafide mental patient - then hell, he'd be a mental patient that followed all his earthly desires.

And whether it made any sense or not, his desire was a girl who could probably crush his loins to dust with the might of her cervix.

Sougo was smart enough to give it a few days, and just as he suspected, he found her near the park, casually chewing on a strip of _sukonbu _outside the grocery store. She sat on Sadaharu, the large dog laying quietly by a lamp post as she stroked the fur around his collar.

Kagura's expression was a blank canvas, seemingly lost in thought and he wondered what tales her face would tell when he approached.

"Yo. China."

She regarded him the way someone would regard a leaf blowing past their feet.

"Oh. It's you. What do you want, chicken poker?"

He ignored her obvious jab regarding their little _Yoshiwara_ spat.

"I see you're still begging for a ticket, I can see almost your whole thigh the way you're sitting - don't you have any modesty?"

Kagura shrugged, "I'm wearing shorts, _Baka_."

The man sighed. This was not going as planned.

"You know, I'm still limping from that kick you gave me the other day-"

"Oh, it's not broken? Damn it..."

"I should press charges for assault - in addition for the sexual assault from when you kisse-"

"GAAAAH DON'T SAY STUFF LIKE THAT IN THE STREET!"

"When you kissed me," he repeated, visibly brightening when he noticed the fire in her eyes returning.

"Now you listen here, chicken poker, I'd rather kiss Prince Hata than kiss you! It was a fissure-"

"Figment-"

"Of your imagination, okay!", she humphed, casting death glares at any passerby daring to look at what appeared to be a strange dysfunctional couple having a lover's quarrel.

Sougo brushed aside his flaxen bangs, shrugging nonchalantly as he took out his ticket book.

"Oh my, all the crimes you've been committing - who should I address these tickets to? _Danna_ won't have strawberry milk for a long time thanks to all the racket you're causing-"

"GIMME THAT!"

The officer nimbly dodged her swiping hand and when he stepped back, Kagura jumped off of Sadaharu, her fists tightened into white knuckled balls.

"Let's see, for kissing me, I'll let you get away with a warning, but as for my leg-"

He began scribbling little stick figures of Hijikata getting mauled in various ways unbeknownst of the now fuming Yato approaching him.

"What are you writing? Give me that!"

"Nope."

There was a loud boom and a sharp creaking sound that followed. When Sougo glanced up from his pad, he noticed her fist in the now oddly shaped mailbox.

Still unfazed, he continued drawing a truck running over stick figure Hijikata.

"All right, bastard, since you don't care about your life-"

Her fingers on his lapels yanked downward and still shorter than him after all these years, the man waved the pad of paper helplessly above her in the air where she couldn't reach - well unless she kneed him in the groin first.

"GIVE- ME- THAT-"

Okita Sougo did what any bonafide mental patient would do. He leaned in and kissed her.

The woman froze in place, her arms hanging awkwardly in the air, and although she had a good three seconds to react, she was still blinking stupidly when he broke away.

"I'll consider us even now."

In one of his rare moments of sincerity, he scribbled on the bottom of the paper he'd been writing on, "I didn't poke any chickens, dummy. I haven't in a long time, no thanks to you."

He appeared to hesitate and then added another memo, "_BAKA_!"

There, one last insult, after all, he wasn't the sappy type and didn't want to seem out of character.

He tore out his Hijikata masterpiece and crumbled it into one of her hands before walking away. He was already down the street when she must've gotten her wits about her.

"GRAPE!", he heard her yelling, "GRAPE, I SAY!"

_That's not the word you're looking for, idiot._

* * *

Sougo had been feeling better after his act of vengeance an entire week ago. The confusion on her face after he kissed her replayed in his head over and over and provided inner satisfaction. If that was all he had to do to get her to disappear for days at a time, then this was the sure fire way to win all their fights.

The man stared at the planks in the ceiling, laying back on his futon with arms outstretched and reveling at finally defeating his rival with nothing more than putting his lips on hers.

"What a pansy," he remarked out loud, intending to close his eyes and drift into hopefully wonderful dreams where his stick figure fantasies of Hijikata would be animated into bloody 3-D, when the sound of his door slid open.

"I told you, Hijikata-san, I don't know anything about some shady Yoshiwara bill-"

_PING!_

The sound of an umbrella whistled through the air at mach speed before stopping right next to his temple, a wind brushing over his face.

Briefly eyeing the point of the weapon hovering next to him and threatening to harm him, Sougo chuckled to himself, searching for it's owner in the darkness.

"Breaking and entering, China, I see that your list of offenses are starting to pile-"

The room was tumbling before he could finish, his body thrown haphazardly into a wall and the edge of his shelf igniting a trail of pain up his spine.

Sougo bit back a groan, not willing to show any weakness, and staggered to his feet.

When his vision focused and revealed none other than Kagura a few feet away, a bare foot rudely planted in the middle of his futon, the Sadist shook his head.

"I keep telling Hijikata-san to put powder in his shoes. He attracts all the bugs to this place. Now look, I have a giant monstrous bed bug thanks to his smelly-"

"I've come for revenge!", she declared, her umbrella pointed at his chest for emphasis.

Sougo rolled his eyes, "Bring it."

The man reached for a small knife he had displayed on the book shelf, taking a moment to lick the sharp edge before he got into an offensive position. The sight of him licking the knife must've ignited something in her, for she charged almost instantly.

He rolled out of the way before her umbrella could stab a hole in his shoulder. Kagura almost went face first into the shelves before she snapped around, eyes wide and her pink lips shaped into a snarl.

"Damn you, stay still!"

"So you can kill me? That would be too easy."

She charged again, and this time Sougo did what she asked, planted himself in that one spot above his futon and anticipated when their bodies would collide. When the timing was right, he threw the knife down, and palmed the umbrella out of the way. The quick notion sent her stumbling forward awkwardly with all her weight in which he caught and slammed her down to the floor with a _thud_.

She landed hard enough to ricochet off the floor an inch or two, a curse tore from her. Okita Sougo hovered over her now, his arm across her chest when he grappled her to the ground. Body tense and adrenaline coursing through his veins, he waited for her to retaliate, but when nothing came, he eased his muscles.

"What's the matter, China, did you hit your head? You're not sleeping on me, are ya?"

The officer lifted his weight from her, searching for her eyes to find her face flushed, her chest heaving with labored breaths.

Just as he was about to say something, she suddenly spat out, "Did you mean it?"

"Wha-"

"The damn note about the chickens, did you mean it?"

The Sadist stared at her for what felt like the longest time. By the time he answered, their breathing had steadied and his arm was getting pins and needles from leaning on it.

Finally, he huffed and rolled off of her, "No, China, I haven't poked anything, if that's what you want to know. Why are you so interested in poking anyway- what do you know-"

And it was like a feral beast had been unleashed! He hadn't the chance to breath when the _Yato_ tackled him, her weight on his stomach pinning him to the futon when her hands clamped at the collar of his kimono like claws!

Mouth crashing against his, Sougo felt a sting of pain in his mouth from her recklessness and once it dawned upon the Sadist that the woman was overpowering him - he finally had his senses about him.

He tore his mouth away from her like he'd been drowning, reached for one of her claws and yanked. Kagura let out a surprised yelp when he pulled her up right, now sitting up together, her legs straddling his waist and her hips hanging dangerously close to-

"What are you doing?"

His words were like ice. They were so straight forward and emotionless, the officer was inwardly impressed with himself. It was as if the question snapped the _Yato_ girl from whatever frenzied intention she was attempting for she jolted to look up at him and bumped her head into his nose.

"Oww-"

"What the hell-"

"China, what are you-"

"What's it look like I'm doing, dumb ass, do I have to paint a picture like this is PBS?"

"What the hell _is_ going on?", he thought. There should've been far more property damage happening right about now - although he appreciated not breaking the few items he owned in his room, but there was no excuse for not tumbling into the hall and finding _other_ people's rooms to destroy while they had their fun.

The quiet between them stretched and then he felt her wilt and try to settle her waist down on him when he squeezed her wrist in his hand by reflex.

"Oww, asshole, I'm really going to hurt you-"

"Don't sit down."

"Why? I'm tired, damn it, and I want to sit-"

"You're right above my-"

"I KNOW what I'm right above, idiot, and I'm going to sit down right now!"

She yelled defiantly, jerking away and slamming herself down a little harder than he expected. A white flash crossed his vision, and the Sadist had to shake his head to get back to reality. Kagura was now sitting directly on top of his throbbing groin, waiting for his next move.

"Oi, China, are you trying to turn me on or crush them? Make up your mind."

"I- I know what I'm doing, okay?", she stammered, "I've seen enough soap operas, now stop being a pussy and take. This. Off!"

Her fingers went to work on his obi, when Okita Sougo came to the conclusion that he was tired of being the confused one playing this game - it was time to find out once and for all how serious his rival was.

Another curse flew out of her when he'd shoved them around so fast, she slammed against the floor again - on his futon.

He dodged a punch she'd thrown before capturing each of her wrists and pinning them next to her head. His body hung above hers, waiting for whether or not he should let his weight fall.

"Kagura, you shouldn't play with a police officer's heart, amongst the other things you're trying to play with - I might have to lock you up for real-"

"I did it on purpose, okay!", she suddenly confessed.

"What-"

"I kissed you on purpose, I sit on you in the park on purpose, I pick fights with you on purpose - hell, what's a girl gotta do to get in your damn pants, Sadist! Unless you really prefer the chickens?"

"..."

Okita Sougo hadn't realized he'd been rendered speechless until her annoying laughter pierced the silence.

"BAHAHAHA, I love your face - it's so priceless! Does this mean that I finally won? Is sex what defeats the great king of Sadists? HAHAHAHA!"

It was as if all the pieces had come together. All the doctors he'd seen, all the _sake_ he'd been drinking, all the urges he'd been stifling - it all had been her fault. At first, he thought he was crazy, and judging by the heat stirring between his legs, maybe he was, but it turned out it wasn't just him - Kagura had a hand in his insanity, and for that, he'd make sure she paid the price. But first...

"When?"

"What?"

"I said, since when?"

Kagura squinted up at him, like suddenly he was some apparition. He could make out her lashes in the darkness, her mouth agape as she tried to no doubt sort her thoughts when she groaned without warning.

"Gaaah, this is so annoying, I don't know!"

The Captain was about press her further when she spoke again.

"I don't know, all I know is at some point, I had to see a shrink."

"A shrink?"

His eyes were adjusted enough that her pout was clear.

"Yeah, after all, gotta be batshit insane to have any feelings for _you_. I thought I was crazy!"

Kagura palmed his forehead, but not hard enough to hurt, and for once, he let her slide. This interrogation was producing some rather interesting results.

"Oh? Is that so?"

A sadistic grin, true to his nature, twisted his face. They were not so different after all.

"So, tell me, China, what made you decide to give into your insanity? Finally accepted your inner masochist?"

"HAH! You WISH!"

And then he kissed her, fervent, but not forced, until she was responsive and returning the gesture. He didn't let it go on for long before he pulled away.

"This doesn't mean you've won, you know? I still expect to fight you in the park, and call you names, this doesn't change anything."

"Good," she said, "I still want to kick your ass for making me feel like an idiot. Enjoy your time on top because it won't last for long."

"I just have one question before I mark you forever."

"..."

"Do I smell like a delicious zebra to you?"

Kagura blinked stupidly at him, "Wh-what? I've never even had zebra- what kind of question is that? I swear, Sougo-"

Any sass of hers was snubbed out when he kissed her again, sealing the deal and accepting that it was official - he was out of his fuckin' mind!

But that was okay - because so was she.

Animalistic and carnal mating ensued, a few moments of soft affection here and there before they knocked over a lamp or statue, sending it crashing to the floor with cursing, and muffled kissing. When he woke up the next morning, the smaller beast momentarily subdued by sleep and wrapped comfortably in his sheets, the Captain noticed his entire body hurt like hell, but for the most part, he felt strangely satisfied.

Not to mention he survived and still had his loins intact even if his mind was not so much.

Sparing a glance at the redhead in his futon, he beamed with pride at the few purple marks he'd managed to leave beneath her ear before she tried to rip his hair out.

It felt like war last night - but one that he'd come to terms with and was willing to engage in multiple times. Perhaps there was a thrill seeker in him yet.

Noting that it was probably time to get up for Hijikata-san's morning exercise routine, aka not important, Okita Sougo slipped back into the sheets, a hand smoothly gliding up Kagura's thigh in challenge.

Judging by the way her eyes suddenly shot open and his adrenaline spiked, Okita Sougo let on a smirk before he prepared himself. His lioness was awake...

* * *

**A/N: Aaaand that's a wrap. Mucho kudos to The Blue Hyrdrangea for getting me back into the fandom and helping me finish this long abandoned one-shot from who knows when. Hope ya'll enjoyed my randomness.**

**Also, The Blue Hyrdrangea is in the midst of updating an awesome OkiKagu fic as well so go check out her stuff if you haven't already!**

**PBS: Channel 13 here in the US with all the kid-friendly programs like Bob Ross who paints "happy little trees."**

**CQC: Close Quarters Combat**

**Vicky's Secret: Victoria's Secret (lingerie store)**

**And yes, Kagura is an adult in this story - nice and legal. :-)**


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